I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
