just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
