So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
