I need to stop coming to work sober
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
