Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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