Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
