Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just googled if crying burns calories
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh god it's open bar.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
