she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They took my balls.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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