apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
