He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
