she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
