sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My ATM looks so different sober.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
