i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
