Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
