I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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