Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
