Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
