there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
