I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No subtext here. People are naked.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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