Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
