I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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