if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
