Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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