just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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