dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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