Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
