Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
