So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Congratulations! We have a period
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