dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
