he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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