I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize