ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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