Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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