I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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