True but thats because hes a fetus.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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