i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
