We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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