Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
