you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
