Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
