was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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