there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
third nipple confirmed
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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