It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
