Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
