It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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