Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
