it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
