He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
