he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize