Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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