Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
