u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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