you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My cat gives me a boner
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
