Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
