so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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