apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
