he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
