You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize