my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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