last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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