maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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