I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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