why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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