we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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