We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
