i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
