Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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