her vagine was all disorganized.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
