you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
