Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
