so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
